What to write in the first message

May 25, 2018

The content of the first message should be well chosen and should contain an individual note so that you catch the eye of the person you wish to get to know. It’s important to show that they are the centre of attention. There are literally thousands of examples of bad messages. Take a look at some of them to get a feeling for what is, and is not appropriate.

Show your interest

The best way to do this is to ask questions relating to their interests and profile. Try not to ask random questions – Stick to the interests they put on their profile. Read through their hobbies, wishes and principles, check their pictures and try to form a global impression of his or her personality.

For example if you see that they like a special activity ask for how long the person has been practising it. Find the things you have in common and build a relationship from there. Keep the questions relevant, but generalised at first and then, if they reply to you, ask more detailed questions in the following mails.

Make yourself interesting as well

Being interested in the other person makes you interesting! You could start your message with a quote from the other person’s favourite movie. These messages are more likely to be answered than those which seem to be a template sent to all the profiles.

It’s also important to give the person a first impression of who you are, so that he or she knows if your attentions are worth reciprocating. The vocabulary you use, the grammar you employ and the jokes you make are all subtle signals of your personality, bear that in mind. Try and share one thing about yourself. You can for example tell what kind of activities you like, which music you are into or what kind of books you enjoy reading. But don’t reveal too much in your first message – Its a depressing reality, but many messages (especially if you are male!) go unanswered. Be patient, genuine and consistent and you will get results sooner or later.